My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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