As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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