How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
