My sheets look like a crime scene.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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