That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
