I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize