In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
