She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
