I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize