Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
