Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize