i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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