How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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