3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
