He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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