The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize