I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
