Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize