So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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