Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
