the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
