I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
