Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
