10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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