It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
