why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
