I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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