haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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