Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
