Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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