Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ugly people sure do ruin things
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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