Pappa wants mamma naked
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize