So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
