Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
