Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You smell like stripper and shame
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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