i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
