he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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