In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
