Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize