i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
