I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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