I'm going to jail i love you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
