Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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