So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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