"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
