How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
