Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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