I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
