My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
