i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
