sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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