they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
