Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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