Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
