I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
