I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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