your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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