I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
