theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
