He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
