I need to stop coming to work sober
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
