ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
