If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize