gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
