he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
