this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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