I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
