Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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