Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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