fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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