Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
