I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
