I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
