Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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