I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
