As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
this is an emotional support booty call
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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