wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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